We’ve raised three children ourselves. Before we were married Don was a widower with a daughter who was eleven going on fifteen. How I wish I had known about the motivational gifts then. It would have made stepping into instant motherhood so much easier.
My primary gift is administration, with a secondary gift of teaching, and a third, perception. All three work together to make me a highly analytical and logical person.
Linda’s gift of compassion caused her to function in the feeling mode constantly. Our methods of operation were worlds apart. I’d sit down with Linda and explain a dozen reasons why her father and I did not want her to go to a particular unsupervised party. I was sure she’d understand how logical our point of view was.
“But I feel like going,” she’d reply. “All my friends will be there and I want to go!”
I’d call Don for help and we’d explain all the reasons again.
“Please let me go,” she’d plead. “Everything will be okay.”
I could not understand why she could not understand! My logic was getting us nowhere. But I was the one who did not understand our differing motivational gifts and the contrasting modes in which we functioned.
When David was born our neighbor gave us a lovely rocking chair. I had visions of cuddling our new-born and rocking him for hours. He was only six days old when I tried it. He screamed. I tried an hour later. More complaints. After several days I concluded it was a losing battle. David did not want to be rocked and would allow only a certain amount of cuddling. We saw an independent streak in him from the beginning.
When Dan came along two-and-a-half years later, I tried out the rocking chair gingerly. Bingo! He loved it. The more I cuddled him the better; rocking always settled him down.
A psychology professor who championed a behaviouristic perspective once said to my college class: “A child is a clean slate yet to be written upon.” Obviously, this man never had children!
While it’s true parents and environment have an impact on a child’s life, it’s also true that a child comes into this world with gifts giving him a distinct personality even in infancy.